30 Sep Crisi
I haven’t written for a while, and in all honesty, it’s just because I’ve been a little bit boring recently. Obviously turning 24 prompted some kind of quarter life crisis which thrust me into a lifestyle of staying in on Friday nights to catch up on the Great British Bake Off and waking up early on Sunday mornings to “make the most of the day”.
And nothing fun ever happens to people who wake up early on Sundays.
So a very quick and very late update: my summer turned out to be pretty cracking – I adopted a thoroughly Italian attitude, putting my worries in an imaginary box, hiding that box in a place deep within my brain, and fleeing the city for almost an entire month, jetting off to sunnier climes: Greece, Amalfi, and… um… Gloucestershire (I wish I was joking but it really did have better weather. So much for “I’m moving to Italy to work on my year-round tan”…). I would tell you all about my trips but while it’s pouring with rain outside and I’m sitting, shivering, under a duvet, it’d only make me cry all over my keyboard. Suffice to say that there were an awful lot of delicious meals, a very overdue reunion with one of my bestest pals, some amazing sunbathing spots, and just a little, light pole dancing on the beach.
So onto the main point: since I’ve been back I’ve been having a bit of a career crisis. It’s almost happened before, but now it’s the real deal.
Sure, I can be pretty bossy, and I do like being the only person in the room who’s allowed to write on the whiteboard whenever they want, but I’d be joking if I said that I’d ever thought that teaching was my calling, and I’ve now reached a point where I’d rather eat a grammar book whole than teach the present perfect to yet another group of grumpy teenagers.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to love teaching. In Europe – probably the world, actually – it’s the easiest, best-paid thing that a native English speaker can do with next to no qualifications or experience. The hours are flexible, you meet all sorts of cool people, and sometimes you can even pinch your favourite students and keep them as friends. But I just can’t do it any more. It makes me anxious, I sometimes spend whole weeks doing absolutely nothing (and getting paid accordingly) and others in school from dawn til dusk. I pay a ridiculous, ridiiiiculous amount of tax (no, really), and the bottom line is: it’s just not what I love to do.
Around the teaching, I am collaborating very part-time with a wedding planner, writing her blog, helping her out with the odd wedding (things which I really, genuinely do love to do), but it seems fairly clear that at least in the near future, it isn’t going to turn into anything more permanent because there simply isn’t the demand.
On the plus side, after much thought, I now think I know (more or less) what I actually want to do.
Teaching has proved to me that I don’t like jobs without deadlines. It’s taught me that jobs that you do on your own are much less fun for someone like me, and that I don’t want to be stuck in a job with zero possibility of promotion. The wedding planning gig has reminded me how much I love writing and being creative (and spending hours on Pinterest…), but it’s also shown me that wedding planning, while fun, is not going to pay my heating bills. So, I’ve been looking into all sorts of advertising-type jobs. I have a little bit of experience from various things in the past, and I reckon I could be pretty good at the whole thing if I set my mind to it/if someone will ever give me the chance to try. I’ve looked around before (remember “Optimistic Me” from 2012?), but am finally feeling very, very determined, and have decided I might just have to suck up being paid peanuts for a few months in order to find a way in, because I certainly don’t have the necessary contacts to get in any other way. The only real challenge is convincing an Italian company that they should hire me instead of an Italian person with a marketing degree.
For now, though, I’m just being optimistic, answering some cool looking job ads and crossing my fingers extra tight.
It’s been more than 2 years now and it’s about time some job luck came my way… right?